


Secrets Are Like Parfaits, They Don't Last

by SweetHell



Category: Gintama
Genre: Attempt at Humor, BDSM, Boys Kissing, Crossdressing, Drinking, Established Relationship, GinHiji - Freeform, HijiGin, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, M/M, Relationship(s), Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-12
Updated: 2017-08-12
Packaged: 2018-12-14 11:01:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11781795
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SweetHell/pseuds/SweetHell
Summary: When Gintoki starts working as Paako-chan, that night, he was just imagining the usual hellish night for the sake of his rent.He wasn't ready for Hijikata fucking Toushiro to suddently show up.(My attempt of contribution for the ginhiji week on tumblr)





	Secrets Are Like Parfaits, They Don't Last

# Secrets Are Like Parfaits, They Don’t Last

  


Gintoki looked to himself in the mirror, feeling about to cry and not even for the first time in the evening.

Why the fuck had to be him? Just because of the whole adult thing? But he didn’t even want to be an adult, he never asked for this! So why him? Age shouldn’t have mattered. What if he still felt like a child inside? Hah? He just wanted his sweets, his strawberry milk and his Jump, see? Totally not an adult! Shinpachi was the real adult, everybody knew that. He should be there with him at least, since he was the one who insisted to pick up the job. Gintoki pouted at the mirror, he was so not ready to do that work again! His pure and young soul…his innocence was gonna be ruined for good.  
He has worked in that club too much, lately, because half of the staff was sick, and he could feel his maleness slowly dying in agony every time he fought to put his makeup on. He was the main character, he shouldn’t be supposed to bear with that kind of crap so often. Not alone, anyway. That was the third evening he was working there, but usually Shinpachi and Kagura were with him, at least. He had some kind of comfort. But this time he was alone in his girly, pink kimono and fake ponytails.

Gintoki whined dramatically.

Life was so cruel lately. 

And what about Shinpachi? That kid was able to excuse himself because “I have got another work for me and Kagura. I’m sorry Gin-san, we need as much money as we can, so you have to go if we wanna eat. Stop whining! You are the adult! You should take some responsibility!” and bla bla bla, he quitted listening after a while. Jeez, seriously, it was just not fair.

He sighed, looking again to himself in the mirror, pouting. He knew he had to go out of there eventually. It wasn’t even like this was his first time, however. Gintoki sighed again. Two fake ponytails on both sides of his head, pink eyeshadow, pink lipstick and pink kimono.  
Tonight he was Paako. His alter ego, his feminine side, or at least this was how Mademoiselle Saigou liked to call this version of him. Why he had to wear so much pink anyway? Why not red or blue, or violet like Zura? Another unfair thing, ugh.

 _I have to be strong_ , he repeated to himself, while he got up and went towards the door, _I just have to think about the money I am gonna get. Yes. Focus on that. Money are good, I need money, I need a lot to buy strawberry milk, and Jump and for the pachinko. Yeah. I can do this. I can do this and then drink until I will forgot the whole thing._

“You are late!”, an okama with short orange hair and a shadow of beard on her massive chin yelled at him, looking not so happy. “I was worried, you have been there for so much time, Paako-chan!”

“Oi, Agomi.”, he answered, already depressed. And he hadn’t even started, jeez. “Can’t I just take the money and go home?”

“It’s Azumi, how many times I told you already?”, yelled the okama, fuming. “And you better hurry, Madame was searching for you!”

Gintoki paled a little. No way in hell, he didn’t need that monster to be angry at him. He had such an handsome face and he would very much like to keep it in that way. So he entered in the main room, already full of man, trying to at least pretend to do something useful and without yelling obscenity to the drunken clients.

It was just one other night, was it? Just one and the he will go home and forget his wounded masculinity. Or he could go to see if Hijikata was in patrol there. They hadn’t see each other in a while because they had been busier than usual, even a fight with him would have been fine to forget his last three days as Paako.

He sighed again, focusing on his clients. What could possibly go so wrong? 

  
*** 

It was around midnight that Gintoki spotted him, way before he could have noticed anything. He spotted him and almost threw himself under a table, sweating.

 _For god’s sake_ , he thought, panicking.  
What the hell was Hijikata even doing in that place?! The raven was in his civil clothing – with his blue kimono, that stupid, sexy kimono of him – and Gintoki could only see his back, but he recognized him right away.  
Okay. It’s everything all right. He hadn’t seen me yet, he thought, ignoring his perplexed clients, I just need to calm down and stay the hell away from him. Maybe he will go out immediately, but again what the fuck he is even doing here anyway?!

But Gintoki was calm.

Calm like a fucking Buddha.

So calm that he immediately got up and ran as fast as he could, hiding behind the first column he found.  
Fuck the job, fuck the money (really, he never though he would gonna say such heresy), but he had to do something. Like crawl somewhere and hide until the bastard would be gone. He had no intention to be ridiculed by him, thank you very very much. There was no way he could’ve kept working now! The last thing he needed was to be seen by him, of all the people. Even that little sadistic bastard of Sougo would have been better, damn it. Honestly, Sougo would have only teased him. But Hijikata…he was a huge, big fucking problem. 

Gintoki moaned, cursing his pathetic luck. Was not bad enough to be trapped in that damned okama club dressed as a Paako? Was not bad enough that he had to throw out of the window his dignity, dressing like a girl and dancing to make some money and pay the damn rent? Damned Kagura, was it not his fault? Feeding her was like feeding a pig. And what about the gigantic dog? Both of them ate like a goddamned regiment! It was mostly their fault if they were always running out of food and money! Gin-san was perfectly happy with eating only sweets! So why he had to be the one in trouble? Hah? 

_That stupid bastard too, he’s always around when he shouldn’t!_ , he groaned, _What is this, a fanfiction?_

Maybe was because everything between them had been going too much smoothly for weeks? They finally had found their balance, the sex was good, the guy was actually okay when he didn’t put mayo on his parfaits and they even stopped fighting so much like before…and now _this_? 

_If he sees me, I’m done_ , thought Gintoki, resisting the temptation to just smack his head against the column over and over until he would have lose consciousness.  
_He is gonna laugh at me for weeks. Maybe months. Maybe forever. My life will be ruined, that bastard would have fun over me forever!_

No, he just couldn’t let that happen. He wanted to maintain that little dignity he still had in front of his…lover? Companion? Sex buddy? They didn’t even named the thing was going on between them and now this!

 _I should get out of here, now. Shinpachi and Kagura will have to forgive me for the money, this time_ , he thought, spying from behind the curtain the main room, where other okama hostess were still dancing and chatting with the clients. Everyone seemed busy. _If I move now, I could probably return in the changing room without anyone noticing me. Then I’ll escape through the back door…yes! Yes! Gin-san is a genius!_

He stepped back, with his eyes fixed on the raven hair of Hijikata, ready to hide himself again if would have been necessary…but then his back bumped into something.

Something definitely huge and muscular that wasn’t there five seconds ago.

Gintoki froze. Was that…? Could that be…?

“Paako-chan…what do you think you are doing?”, asked him the voice of Mademoiselle Saigou, with a hint of threat in his sweet falsetto.  
_Fuck, no no no…,_ was the only thought in Gintoki’s head. He could sense his blood leaving is face and his body tensing, ready to run away from the danger…except for the fact that he couldn’t, because the large and strong hand of Madame was already on his shoulder, holding him right there.

Really. Where was his goddamn luck when he needed it? What he did for deserving this fate?

He turned slowing, facing the huge and scary okama behind him, trying to smile innocently. Usually their relationship wasn’t that bad…well, when she didn’t discover him hiding behind a curtain instead to work and earn his paid. 

“Ah, it’s nothing! I was just…resting a little!”, he answered quickly, ignoring the scowl on the other’s face. She wasn’t obviously buying it, but trying was better than nothing. “I am not feeling well, you know, maybe I should go home, don’t you think?”, his voice trembled a little on the end of the sentence. It couldn’t be helped. He had seen enough of Saigou-san’s strength (and also felt it, damn, that man was strong) for not wanting to try it ever again. 

He didn’t have the time to add something else or to made some scene, because Saigou-san, ignoring his desperate begging, was already dragging him forcefully back in the main room where Hijikata was, with the others clients. He was alone at his table and he was sipping from a glass of sake, now that Gintoki could see him better. He didn’t even seem particularly happy to be there either. At the contrary, he seemed awkward and out of place.  
So why he was even there if he wasn’t into that stuff, for heaven’s sake? Could it be that he found out that Gintoki worked there sometimes? What, he wanted to check if that was true?

He shuddered. No way, he has always been careful not to let it slip out. 

But wait…wasn’t now Hijikata almost too close to him? Shit, shit, shit Saigou-san was dragging him right to him, wasn’t she? He considered faking his dead in the middle of the room. Or chomp his arm off and run away before Hijikata could have noticed. But either way now he was too damn close to try something like that.  
Ugh.  
What he had ever done for deserving this, again? Was that for the time he used all the money they have left to play pachinko instead of paying the rent? Was it because all worst things always happened to handsome and beautiful people like Gin-san? 

Gintoki was so much busy coursing his shitty luck that he barely registered it when Saigou stopped walking in the middle of the room.  
Hijikata was so close…so close he could see clearly how dark and unease he was. He was rigid, like he had a stick up to his ass, and kept drinking too much fast to really enjoyed the taste of the sake. It was strange, but seeing him like this actually helped Gintoki to control his panic. A little. At least, he wasn’t the only one at unease.

“Listen when someone is talking to you, dumbass!”, yelled Saigou-san, right in his ear, snapping. Gintoki would have snapped back if he wasn’t so busy checking Hijikata, who didn’t seem to be disturbed by the sudden outburst of the huge okama. “Now, help with the clients since your dancing would most likely make them escape and never coming back.”

“Hey! I am not so bad, ok?”, he said, somewhat offended, even if he really didn’t care about dancing and he hated doing that anyway. But that was _rude_. He could dance well, he just didn’t like it, he wasn’t motivate, jeez. And why would he be motivate to shake his hips in front of some middle-aged man mostly drunk while he was dressing in a pink kimono and fake ponytails? 

“Yes you _are_. So now be good and keep company to the clients!”, commented Saigou-san. He grabbed him again and shoved him at the nearest table so fast that Gintoki didn’t have time to react and he suddently found himself losing his balance and falling on his knees at one of the low tables for the clients. “Don’t insult them, don’t spill the sake and for god’s sake, don’t beat them up!”

Gintoki grunted. Really? Half of the time that as exactly what Saigou-san was doing! One time she threw a glass right in the head of a client! “And remember to smile, Paako-chan!”, was the last thing Saigou said to him before finally leaving.  
  
He whined between his teeth, his knees fucking hurt! That crazy okama had shoved him on the floor without a warning. Should he call a layer? Hah? Should he? Should be the layer of himself and report his case of violence on an innocent part time employer?

Still pissed, he looked up, both for seeing who the client was and where Hijikata was now…but at the very moment he saw who he had in front of him, he froze. 

Well, he didn’t need to search Hijikata anymore…he had Hijikata fucking Toushiro sat just on the other end of the table.

  
*** 

_Great_ , he whined, hearing his heart bumping hard in his chest. _I am gonna need at least ten parfaits to survive this._

Hijikata chose that moment to look up from his emptied glass of sake, scowling...just to see him, Gintoki, former rebel, notorious sadist, the legendary Shiroyasha and his current lover…dressed like a girl in front of him.  
_Sometimes I hate my life._ , he scowled, watching the recogniton on the policeman's face.

Hijikata spat the sake he had drink all over him and the table, screaming, coughing and jumping on his feet right after.  
Seriously. So much for self-control.

“What…what the FUCK?”, he screamed, pointing his ponytails. “I didn’t drink _that_ much, shit! How can I be so fucking drunk already…am I dead? Am I, right? Did Sougo kill me?”

“Did you just fucking spat your goddamned sake on me, Mayora? That’s so gross! You are gross!”, Gintoki growled, ignoring Hijikata’s panicked blabbering. He was panicking too, yes, but seeing Hijikata like this was far more amusing than scary, he had to admit that. Well, it amused him and pissed him off at the same time because did he really had to spit on his kimono? “And have you any idea about how much this fucking kimono will cost me if I have to buy a new one? Hah? If Saigou-san will be mad at me, you are gonna pay for it, Mayora! I have kids to feed! And one fucking huge dog!”

“Shut up!”, Hijikata answered vehemently. His face was so red and panicked, he was almost kinda cute. Almost. “I don’t fucking care! The hell are you doing? Are you finally gone insane? Did your perm grow up in your brain too? Is your brain all curly too, now?!”

“You should care more about the poor Gin-san, mayo freak! I didn’t have money for the rent before, now if I have to pay this kimono how the hell can I feed Kagura?!”, sighed the white haired samurai, watching the darker stains of sake on his dress. He was so screwed. And not even in the funny way. “And leave my perm alone, how could you understand my pain, you straight-haired idiot?”

“The China girl isn’t my problem, just play less pachinko and buy her some mayo, she will be happier!”, growled Hijikata, staring at him like he couldn’t believe at his eyes. “Are you at least gonna tell me why the hell you-”

But the Demoniac Vice-Chief couldn’t finish his question, because Mademoiselle Saigou had appeared near to them in a second, smacking Gintoki’s nape.

“Paako-chan, don’t yell like that at the client!”, she hissed, ignoring completely Hijikata. And the fact that the fucking client was screaming at him too. And far more loudly if he had to say it. But oh yeah, who cared? Wasn’t always Gin-san’s fault anyway? “Beside, seeing you dancing is worse than everything you could even yell at him, I assure you. Do you want to give it another try? I need someone on that stage now.”, she was saying, faking a smile, but her eyes weren’t so happy.

Gintoki paled. Was it too late to escape? Because right now starvation didn’t sound so bad compared to having to dance in front of Hijikata while dressing like a hostess.

But it was pretty clear she wasn’t gonna take a “no” for answer. “So? Get up and show to our new guest what you can do.” Hijikata opened his mouth again but nothing came out, he was just staring at Gintoki again. Gin looked at Saigou-san, silently asking for some mercy, but she only smiled and started dragging him on the stage.

_Shit._

***  


They were staring at each other for _ages_. 

At least, if the surprise on Hijikata’s face was something to go by, Gintoki could be pretty sure that the mayo freak didn’t go to the club knowing that he would be there as Paako. Hell, he didn’t seem like he actually did ever know that sometimes he worked there as Paako. But so, why was he there again? And for all the candies in the world, why wasn’t he saying anything at this point? Did Gintoki break him? Did he? Was it possible to break Hijikata after all? Without doing anything but put some makeup and wear a pink kimono?

Seriously, he was expecting him to laugh at him not, this to just stare at him like he was a sort of ghost. Were really his dancing skills really so bad?

Now, now. Should he be worried? Really, they had been staring in silence for what, 10 minutes after his torture on stage finished? And still no reaction? There was only so much of silence Gintoki could take, after all. 

“Uhm…Hijikata-kuuun? Are you there? Eh? Are you there?”, he started, watching the other closely. “Are you dead? Do you want me to do you the mouth to mouth resuscitation? Huh?”

This actually seemed to wake the bastard up because now he was blushing.

Damn, how can someone be that scaring and violent resulting cute in this situation? It was all fault of his Vegeta-style personality, it had to be that, right? Like when Bulma is telling Vegeta something affectionate and he blush without answering but scowling instead?  
…wait. Was it the wrong example? Was Vegeta even capable to be cute? Was that the right word?  
And if Hijikata was Vegeta, didn’t that mean Gintoki had to be Bulma?

_No way! I am definitely Goku. Yeah. Goku is stronger than him and he has also more beautiful hair! Besides, I am sure that Vegeta has a crush on Goku, so it’s perfect!_

“You are thinking to something stupid. I can tell by your face, idiot.”, Hijikata finally mumbled, waking up from his shocked trance. Was about time, was it."Oh yeah, I forgot. That is all you can think, right?"

“So I didn’t kill you after all! Thank god I was almost thinking if I’d have to call the police and confess your murder!”, Gintoki snickered, a little relived. 

“I am the police, bastard, and wait…”, he stopped, sending him some suspicious looks. “Why would you ever want to confess? We both know you’d be running away if you so much thought I was dead.”

“Gin-san is not such a cold monster!”, he defended himself, opening his pink fan with a quick move. “Besides, in prison you can have free meals!”  
Hijikata watched him for a whole minute, before he started rubbing tiredly his face, now less red and more pissed. Just like he usually was when they were together... Was it a good sign?

“Why I am even trying to talk with you?”, he sighed.

“Because Gin-san is handsome and very funny, that’s why.”, Gintoki informed him, almost grinning. Well, this wasn’t going too bad, right? Now that he was less scared to have a horrified Hijikata running around for the club screaming, he could relax a little.  
If they could still having stupid quarrels like that, it couldn’t be that bad, right? 

“You know you can’t have parfaits in prison, right?”, Hijikata informed him, still staring at him.

“Why the hell not? Parfaits are important in everyone diet!”, Gintoki replayed, stealing the glass of sake on the table and drinking it. He definitely needed alcohol to survive to this.  
“Parfaits aren’t important in anyone diet and beside, why the hell should they serve you in prison something you like, hah?”, he barked, pissed already. It was just too fun to fuck with him. Well. Also fucking him was a lot of fun, now that he thought about it. “We don’t want our prisoners to be comfortable and happy, you know?”

“But Gin-san will be an exception because he is the main character.”, noted Gintoki. Hijikata rolled his eyes, pissed off, but he managed to regain control. He was getting better at this, now he was dealing with Gintoki more often.  
Whatever. So, is this a job?”, the other finally asked, staring at him again. He was staring with such intensity that Gin actually didn’t feel too bad about it. He was glad Hijikata didn’t start laughing his ass off, but honestly, why staring at him with such intensity? “Or you just discovered your true self?”

“Yeah, of course.”, deadpanned Gintoki, “I have always wanted to dress like a woman and go shaking my hips on a stage in front of a bunch of old perverts. But you have to tell me, are you really so stupid or did you take lessons for it? Of course it is a job! I have to pay my damn rent!”

“You tell me, didn’t you run the ‘stupidity’ course, sensei?”, replied Hijikata, taking back his now empty glass of sake from the hands of the other. 

“With your natural stupidity I bet you were the best in the class.”, snorted Gintoki, picking his nose in an absolutely unfeminine manner. Oh well. Hijikata had seen worse. He would survive. “I’d say you were at the same level of the sensei, Oogushi-kun.”  
“As if! And who the hell is Oogushi-kun again?!”, hissed Hijikata, before drinking the whole glass of sake in one sip. Gin took notice that the other kept watching him with intensity, when he thought he wasn’t looking. Not the he minded…but why? Was the bastard really not so disgusted by that outfit? What if…he actually found it hot? Nah, it was impossible. No way. No way!

But what if…?

“Then, Oogushi-kun, would you kindly tell me why are you doing in here? Are you discovering a new interest? Do you like men in girly dress? Do you like cute dress? Do you want to wear my kimono, don’t you? Oh, don’t tell me…”, the silver haired samurai paused dramatically, leaning over the table. Hijikata didn’t move, but there was definitely more red color on his pale cheeks now. “Were you jealous of me, before? Is that why you spat your sake on me, right? I can borrow it to you, if you want…You will get a discount!”

“What…the _heck_ …”, Hijikata paled, angry, and after one second he already took Gintoki’s head and smashed it on the table. Gintoki let out a little scream, immediately retreating to his place, with his hand on his forehead. That hurt. “…are you talking about! I was just caught by surprise!” “Asshole!”, whined Gintoki, pissed. “Were you trying to split my head in two or what?!”

Was that police brutality, right? He was so tempted to let Sougo know about Hijikata’s emergency stock of mayo right now…

“Would that be a problem? It is not like there is something inside anyway.”, snapped back the other, annoyed and embarrassed. “I bet that your brain left you years ago!”  


“Oi! Better empty like mine that filled by mayo like yours.”, grunted Gintoki, still pouting. “I’ll report you for domestic violence If I get a bump because of you!”  
“Yeah? And you will report me to…who? Yamazaki?”, grinned Hijikata, with a sardonic light in his blue eyes. “I can report you for offense to a public officer. And arrest you…so you can see by yourself if you can get parfaits in prison.”  


“Liar! I didn’t do anything this time, oi.”, replied Gintoki, furrowing his brows. Not that he really believed Hijikata would have throw him in prison, but with that bastard you could never know. He had handcuffed him one time already and that didn’t end well at all. “You can’t do a shit.”  
“You did something. I saw you dancing, that’s enough offense, you know.”, smirked the bastard, sipping another glass of sake, slower this time. “An horrible offense for my poor eyes.”

“I would like to see if you can doing better.”, snorted Gin, stealing his glass again. Really, what was with his dancing? He was a samurai, not a dancer, what were they expecting? “Let me see how much more good than me you are at shaking your hips on that stage in front of everyone, mayo freak.”  
“Ah-ah. Not happening.”, deadpanned Hijikata, not falling in his provocation. Then he watched him again, lost in his thoughts. Well, if wasn’t his kimono that he kept watching…maybe he was watching him after all? Eh? What? Did Hijikata like Paako as well? “You are so much better girl than me, I think I’ll leave the dance to you.”

“So about that…do you like Paako-chan as much as you like Gin-san?”, smirked Gintoki, watching Hijikata’s face turning red. Doing so it was like admitting that he had right, aw. “You do, right? Awww. So cute, Hijikata-kun likes me in both wayyys.”  
“I-I did not say such a thing, idiot!”, he hissed, still trying to regain composure. He obviously failed, Gintoki sadistic side could read the embarrassing truth written all over his face. “And who said I like you when you are dressed like a man, nh?”

“You didn’t need to say it, it was written all over your face, Hijikata-kun.”, he mused, while leaning over the table, closing the distance between them. He has missed the mayo freak, after all. He has missed this side of him, how easy it was messing with him. “I bet you were thinking dirty things about Gin-san in his pink kimono while I was dancing, didn’t you? What were you thinking? Mmh?”

“B-back off! People are watching us!”, Hijikata hissed again…but yet he didn’t move to get away from the other. Had Hijikata missed him too after all? They hadn’t seen each other for a while and he had to admit…it was nice being there together, even with the Paako makeup and all.  
He had missed their bickering, he had missed his blue eyes reflecting everything he was feeling, he had missed even the smell of smoke on him every time he was near. His pale skin was now a flushed for the sake – how much did he drink already? - and his kimono dark blue was a little loose on his chest, showing more than usual. It passed too much time from the last time, he realized, just too much. But maybe that could be a good time to make up.

“So what? You aren’t wearing your uniform, Vice Chief, and I am on disguise.”, mused Gin, playing with his fake ponytails. Seeing Hijikata unease always turned him on so much that it was almost embarrassing. “I’ll stop if you admit that seeing me in drag turn you on and that you want to do me this and that.”

“Do you want to die? Huh? Do you want to die that bad?!”, snapped the raven, even more red, both from anger and embarrassment. He got closer to Gintoki’s face, his eyes were shining from mixed emotions. “And what even means this and that? Are you an elementary school kid who doesn-?”

He didn’t make it until the end of the phrase, because Gintoki had already cupped his hand on Hijikata’s cheeks – the raven was blushing so hard he could feel his skin burning under his touch – and left a quick kiss on his mouth, grinning.  
But the other’s surprise didn’t last much. After a moment, Hijikata had already reacted, determined to not leave Gintoki the last word. He kissed him back, more deeper, harsh and rough, just like they usually liked. He bit his lower lip too, before stopping and pushing forcefully the other back on his seat, leaving him positively shocked for a moment. 

Gintoki licked his lips, tasting his strawberry lip-gloss mixed sake and tobacco, almost smiling. Hijikata couldn’t leave the last word to anyone even if that meant doing something that embarrassed him.  
Hijikata groaned, hiding his face under his hand, muttering something similar to death threats, but much less threatening than usually. 

Gintoki was about to ask him if he was hard – also because he kinda was, it has passed a long time since last time, after all - , but he was stopped by a strong slap on his head. The hit was so strong that he beat the forehead on the table again. The fuck was whit his head that night?!

  
***  


“Oi!”, he screamed, turning back, “That hurt, you ugl- ehm, hi Saigou-san.”

“Paako-chan…what was that, huh?”, hissed Mademoiselle Saigou, his smile cracking a little. Gin was starting to sweat, his half erection was already lost for good. “I know I said you couldn’t hit the clients, but I didn’t mean you could kiss them, you know? What kind of club do you think I run?”

“Eh? Do you mean you aren’t selling me dressed as okama to everyone who is paying enough? Because if that is the case I have to tell you: I am a sadist and I won’t feel responsible if-”, he didn’t have time to finish his sentence because the okama chief had already smashed his head against the table.  
Fucking again.  
“Hijikata-kun, Hijikata-kun I have a case of violence to report, can you arrest her now, please?”, he muttered, face still against the table.

“I’d rather arrest you, right now.”, said the raven, still pouting aver the kiss. Tch. He could be such a kid, like a kiss was such a big deal. How about Gin-san? The poor, sad, abused Gin-san? “It’s not my fault if you are not good at doing your job, Paako-chan. And stop whining, for god’s sake, get your shit together, you are still a samurai under that girly dress. Well, at least I hope so.”

Gintoki was ready to express his discontentment, but then Saigou-san burst out laughing. She scared the hell out of him too, he definitely hadn’t see that coming. 

“Oh, I see. He is a special client, eh? I like this one, Paako-chan. I didn’t know you had a thing for man, but at least you chose them well.”, she said, winking at him. “He is cute too.” He cringed a little, why did she has to do that? “But next time smooch with him outside my club while you are working, understood?”

“It’s not my fault! He kissed me!”, whined Gintoki, pointing at Hijikata, who was getting redder and redder again, during the whole Mademoiselle Saigou’s speech. “I’m the victim here! You should smash his head against the table too!”  


“Oi, lying bastard! You kissed me first!”, he replied, embarrassed yes, but not at the point to not snap back at him. He seemed ready to smash the bottle of sake against his head. “Stop telling bullshit, perm head!”

“Well, well, now I get why you like him so much, eh.”, smirked Saigou, looking straight at Gin, looked back at her with his dead fish eyes until she finally stepped, putting on the table a piece of paper. “Anyway, some guy went and send this for you, Hijikata Toushiro. Enjoy our Paako-chan but not too much, we don’t want that other clients get strange ideas about this place.”

She put the paper on the table, while Hijikata covered his face with his hand, hiding himself. Gintoki simply snickered.  
Saigou-san stopped watching the two samurai, thinking. “I cannot decide if you two make a good couple or a terrible one, but if he can live with you without wanting to strangle you, Paako-chan, you better try not to scare him off.”, she added. But before both samurai could answer something stupid, she was already leaving, going at the other end of the club where her hostess were working. 

“What the hell was that?”, Gintoki was the one breaking the stunning silence between them. Hijikata shake his head, having no answer to give. Gintoki leaned more, getting close to the other again, smirking, with a playful light in his eyes usually so dead. He didn’t want to analyze Saigou-san’s words, not now they were alone once again. Nope. Denial, denial was a great thing. “Besides, it’s actually fun when you strangle me.”  
“I can agree with that.”, answered Hijikata, relaxing a bit. He tried to hide a smirk, failing. “At least when I do that you actually shut the fuck up.”

Gintoki couldn’t help but smiling maliciously. He was really, really hating the fact they were in a okama pub full of people – and a considerable number of old perverts – because he remembered well the last time that Hijikata had taken control. His bruises had taken a week to shade and only thinking about it now was making him hot. Maybe they should have better change the subject before Gin-san actually start to harass the Shinsengumi fucking Vice-Chief in public. His head was starting to get a little dizzy too, probably for the drinking, so better not think about one of the hands of Hijikata around his neck while the other hand squeezed his erection…

“Anyway, would you like to explain what the heck are you even doing here? Did you really want to see ugly man in dresses? Or do you like just Paako-chan?”, he quickly changed the subject. He was so not getting hard dressed as a girl! Hijikata rolled his eyes, playing with a cigarette between his finger a little before he finally lighted it. 

“If you really want to know it, I didn’t know it was an okama bar until I entered. I had an appointment with Sougo, he said he had something important to discuss with me, but…obviously he never showed himself, that little shit.”, Hijikata was saying, a bit annoyed.  
Gintoki felt suddently sick at the stomach. 

If was Sougo the one who made Hijikata discovered that place…did that mean he knew he was also working as Paako that night? Did he know too, then? Oh, fuck that, he knew it for sure. There was no way Sougo has chosen that club in that night without knowing Gintoki would be there as well. What he was planning and how the hell did he find out? 

“Are you saying that Sougo was the one who bought you here?”, asked Gintoki, carefully, his face blank, trying to not show what he was thinking. “Sougo, the little sadist who tries to kill you in daily basis?”

Hijikata paled so much that Gin was almost worrying for the bastard. He didn’t comment, though. He liked Sougo alright but not when Gin-san was also his target. Their deal between sadists was working smoothly until now but well, there were always…incidents. Like the time when Sougo huncuffed him with Hijikata and put some laxative in the mayo. Totally not cool. He still had nightmares about that particular part of that day. 

They both looked down to the piece of paper which Saigou-san bought them before. 

Before Hijikata could say anything, anyway, his telephone rang. The raven took it and answered immediatly, his eyebrows twitching already. Gintoki was just praying that in Sougo’s plan – because there were just too much casualities for his liking - Hijikata would be the only victim this time. Yeah, he did like the mayo obsessed freak but not over his life, damnit, and his life was already a mess without Sougo following him with a bazooka and trying to shot him every chance he got. No way, thank you very much but he preferred to be a selfish prick. An alive selfish prick. “Hijikata-san, Hijikata-san. Are you dead already?”, the bored voice of Sougo came out and Hijikata’s grip tighten around his phone. Despite the situation, it was still funny to watch the Vice-Chief reactions. “Are you enjoying the birthday’s party? Is it boring as you like?”

“Hijikata-kuuuun do you know we offer a special treatment for our dear client’s birthday?”, commented Gintoki, picking his nose while he reach for the piece of paper. “You can get a strip or a cake, but I wouldn’t recommend the latter if you have a weak stomach. Kagura threw up last time so may want to be careful.”

“You. Little. Shit.”, he growled at the phone ignoring Gintoki. His grip around his telephone was so tight he could have broken it. “What are you up to this time? You know it is not my birthday!”  
“Hey? Hello? Hijikata-kun? Are you ignoring me, Hijikata-kun?”, lamented Gintoki, pouting. He cleaned his boogers on the table. “So mean! Why are everybody so mean with Gin-san today?”

“Oh, Danna is there, is it? Isn’t he cute, Hijikata-san? Did you like your birthday present?”, answered Sougo, lighting up. At least someone was happy about his presence. Fucking Sougo, he knew about Paako-chan, after all. He knew and he invited Hijikata there when I was sure he would have been there as a Paako. “I always knew you were a kinky bastard, Hijikata. I bet you had an hell of hard on seeing him in skirt.”

“I don’t want to hear that from you, you fucking sadist! It’s not even my birthday, you aren’t making fucking sense.”, hissed Hijikata, smocking nervously. He seemed ready to strangle someone and Gintoki wasn’t feeling like ending his life, so he poured sake in the glass they had been sharing and passed it to Hijikata, who drank it all after finishing his cigarette. Anyway, it was not like Sougo was lying after all. Hijikata was a kinky shit when he wanted. He was just more fucking discreet than that little sadist. He still remember that one time they tried the ropes… “What was the fucking point to make me coming here?”, was asking Hijikata again, even if he must have known that it would be useless. Sougo didn’t like to explain his plans, he was not that type of evil genius, unfortunately. 

“Oi Danna, you should return him in three days or Kondo-san will start search for him. But don’t worry, if you want I can give you another few days, just take him away. I have to place my new toys around.”, said Sougo, ignoring completely Hijikata, who light up another cigarette, with a murderous look. His telephone began to crack in his hand. “I went shopping, you know? I bought some nice stuff to try, Danna-“  
“Ehm, Okita-kun…I have two kids and one hell of big dog, why should I take in a mayo freak too? What am I, a petsitter? Sadaharu will feel sick just watching him eating mayonnaise.”, answered Gintoki, relieved that this time there wasn’t any bazooka or other shit coming to blow Hijikata (and him) up. Mademoiselle Saigou was one the Four Devas of Kabuki-cho, anyone smart enough would try to not start ruckus in her club and Sougo wasn’t an idiot. Hijikata was shooting a warning glare toward him, but Gintoki just waved his hand and came back picking his nose…until a strong kick came under the table.

“EHI! Quit hurting Gin-san!”, he screamed, throwing his fan at him, hitting him in the forehead. But the Vice Chief was too much pissed off to care. “Gin-san is more a sadist than a masochist, you should know!”  
“As if I could give a damn right now! And quit insulting mayonnaise!”, he growled back at him. Mmh, well his eyes had a beautiful color when he was angry. They shined of a strong, poisoning and murdering light. “Sougo, stop fucking around and tell me why-”, he started, rubbing the red sign on his forehead, but his Capitan had already shut the conversation off. 

“I’m gonna kill him.”, Hijikata stated, slamming his telephone on the table. Gintoki could tell how much he was restrain himself to not snaping out and start smashing things. Instead, he pull out another cigarette and light that as well. Gin wasn’t even sure he was allowed to do it inside the club, but he kind of liked that smell of tobacco on him so he said nothing. Well, he also didn’t want Hijikata to pour out his murder intent on him. Like he said, he liked his face alright and his teeth too. All of them. “Or making him doing bathroom’s cleaning for the next months, I’ll decide if I will get home in one piece tonight.”

“The only cleaning that brat needs is a brain cleaning, trust me.”, Gintoki added, still nervous because it was obvious that Sougo had plan something but what? He played with the piece of paper in his hand and eventually he opened it, painfully aware of the stare of Hijikata on him. And not the sexy kind of stare but the move-the-fuck-up-and-open-that-thing kind of stare. “If you ask Kagura, she will do it for free. Or maybe for some sukonbo.”

But Hijikata didn’t seem to hear him, he was watching the room around them nervously. Gin could understand him. He saw how many times he had to dodge a fucking bazooka. Amusing show, yes, but only if you watch it.  
However, the writing was clearly Sougo’s. 

_I don’t think you will die this time, Hijikata-san, but a man can always hope. Do you have smocked yet? I mixed with your tobacco some cool stuff I confiscated this morning. I wouldn’t mix it with alcool if I was you, but ops, maybe I should have told that before. How careless of me._  
_Have fun._  
(Die Hijikata-bastard)

Gintoki blinked.

Then he watched Hijikata who was finishing his second cigarette, his third already on the table. He wasn’t yelling at him to speed up and give him the message. He wasn’t even scowling anymore. He wasn’t complaining. He wasn’t even threaten to beat the kid up.

Maybe he is just more mature than usual. Right? Eh? Sure he can be mature! Right?, thought Gintoki, still trying to maintain his blank facede. Damn brat. Cool stuff? What kind of stuff? Do you ever know? I bet you don’t!, cursed Gintoki, shocked but yet glad that the brat hadn’t put something in the sake too. What should I do? Can I walk away, right? I can walk away and…oh shit, I just wanted to make some money today, he cursed. Hijikata was about to light the third just now and Gintoki was started to notice how the murdering light had disappear from his eyes a little too quickly. How exactly was strong that “stuff”? The Vice Chief actually looked…relaxed. He wasn’t even staring at the paper anymore.  
Maybe it wasn’t that bad, he thought, watching his companion’s posture distending more every minute it passed. He was Shinsengumi’s Vice Chief, he didn’t have a lot of time to relax and enjoy life, after all. Maybe that could be a chance to do so. Right? Right?

Then, Hijikata looked up to meet his eyes. And he smiled. It wasn’t a smirk or a grin, it was a real smile. A real fucking little smile.  
Okay, that’s definitely bad.

“Err, Hijikata-kun?”, Gintoki called, slowly, still with Sougo’s message in his hands. He re-read it again, just to be sure. He sniffed the air too…well, there was smell of tobacco…mixed to something sweeter and stronger. Gintoki didn’t recognize it…maybe was some illegal-amanto thing? It wouldn’t be the first time he saw something like that. He was just hoping that “stuff” wasn’t a drug. Or at least a light drug with no side effects. “You might want to put that one down.”

Hijikata blinked a few time, cigarette still between his fingers. His little, relaxed smile was still there. It was fucking creeping the hell out of Gintoki, too. 

“Ehm, why?”, the raven asked, rather confused. “I don’ wanna. I’m too pissed off with that sly bastard of Sougo…I guess?”  
“You guess? Oh my god, I am going to get nightmares over this.” moaned Gintoki, resisting the urge to smash his head against the table until he would pass out. He didn’t want any more responsibility, fuck, why was always him. “Put that crap away, idiot, before your brain rot. More than it is already turned in rotten mayo, I mean.”

 _Why I always end babysitting people?_ , groaned Gintoki, taking away from Hijikata the new cigarette, his mayo-lighter – fucking mayo-freak, always with the weirdest things – and the whole package too. _I just want to get paid, damn. Who am I, fucking Cinderella? Now I can’t even get laid, thanks to Sougo, that smile on his face will castrate me!_  
Sougo will better apologies to his dick.  
Or buy him some dango.  
A lot of dango.  


“Mayonnaise does not rot!” mumbled Hijikata, relaxed yes, enough relaxed to let slit a comment against mayo? No. Well, at least Gintoki now knew that Hijikata Toushirou was still there, under that stuff he smoked. “Mayo is always tasty no matter what!”  
“Yeah, yeah. Now stay there one second and don’t you dare moving. I’ll go to Saigou-san and then I’ll take you home.”, the silver samurai sighed. Well, this time wasn’t even his fault…maybe he could still get his pay-check. Or he will make Hijikata fucking Toushirou pay for his groceries. Maybe he should take his wallet before dropping him anywhere. Yeah, that sounded like a good idea.  
“Oh, I thought you were never asking.”, mumbled Hijikata, finally wiping the creepy smile out of his face, turning it into a light smirk. “You’re hot like this.”

Gintoki stared at the raven policemen. It took him a while for the words he heard and the man who said it to actually being linked together by his brain.

Oh, wait, Sougo must have put something in the sake too, because he was hallucinating, right? Gintoki was pretty sure it was hallucinating, it happened before, that one time he ate a strange pink candy and then everything turned out to be pink and deformed for a couple of hours. Like Kagura having two heads. Or Shinpachi talking to him without his human. Yeah, it had to be something like that again. Was that the only logical idea, right?  
_Do. No. Panic. Just breath. Everything is gonna be f- FUCKING HELL TRY TO FIND A TIME MACHINE AND GO KILL SOUGO BEFORE THE WORLD FUCKING COLLPASE._

He was about to run away and find one, but somehow Hijikata – that confusing bastard – apparently was quick even under whatever drug Sougo gave him, because the policemen managed to grab his sleeve and threw his arm on his shoulder. Seriously, what the fuck? This is making him more stressed than watching Luffy trying to save Ace! 

_No, no, no don’t think to Ace now. Breathe. You don’t have time to cry. Find a time machine and EVERYTHING WILL GO JUST FINE._

“Oi, are you still there, Gin?”, Hijikata asked, still too much relaxed and at ease but at least not smiling in that creepy way anymore. Thanks to the Holy Candies.  
_He called me Gin! Whaaaaaaat is happening in this fanfiction? Author-san, can you please go home? Please? I’ll pay you 300 yen!_  


“No I’m not. Actually, I think I am going crazy, you know?”, he rumbled, without even knowing what he was actually saying. “I think Sougo is secretly Aizen and he is trying to conquer the world starting by my sanity. I think I heard you say you think I am hot dressed like this. Ah. Ah. Ah.”

Hijikata actually smirked. When he came so close to him, anyway? Their bodies were pressed together and his fingers were tracing invisible lines on his pink kimono, before slowly go up and lightly brush against his painted lips. Gintoki froze, unsure about what he should do. Running away seem a pretty nice possibility but he also didn’t want to leave by himself this quiet and relaxed version of Hijikata.  
Then he realised…Hijikata wasn’t denying.

“You are a kinky shit after all, aren’t you?”, said Gintoki, with a sly grin on his face. Well, that was sure an interesting admission from Hijikata.  
“As you could talk, sado-perm.”, replied the raven, without missing a beat. His expression was soft, affectionate, like Hijikata was confessing something precious instead of the usual bickering.

Gintoki stared at him for a while, surprised. He had never seen that expression on the raven's face, not for him anyway. He was not prepared to the strange feeling that expression caused. It was like he wasn’t sure if he wanted more to punch or kiss the bastard.  
So instead, he took the empty bottle of sake on their table and smashed it into Hijikata’s head. 

The raven samurai dropped on his seat, unconscious.

“Now, now. Let’s go home before you start declaming your love for me. Because, you know, I would prefer hearing that when you are not under drugs, really.”, Gintoki grinned, lifting Hijikata’s unconscious body and walking to the exit. He wawed to Saigou-san, who just sighed, and start walking towards home with a passed out Hijikata on his shoulder.  
“And just for you to know”, continued the silver samurai, not caring of the unconsciousness of the Vice Chief, “you are stopping with mayo for a while, starting tomorrow. You are getting fat, aren't you?.”

After all, Sougo was wrong about him. He definitely didn't want to do stuff with a drugged Hijikata.  
He actually liked Hijikata better with the stupid, shitty temperament of his. 

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, I'm sorry.  
> This is not my first fanfiction but it is my first fanfiction in English and I am really terrified. I tried to correct as much as I can but I am sure my English will result funny. So. Please let me know(?).


End file.
